We Don’t Get What We Deserve

We Don’t Get What We Deserve

“He doesn’t deserve to go on that field trip!” These are words that I heard from a colleague several years ago referring to a student going on a school trip after the student had displayed some poor behavior.


Throughout my career, I have heard similar comments from other teachers and administrators. Some comments were referring to students and others referring to teachers. Have you ever watched someone receive an award or get some special privilege only to hear someone say they did not deserve it? Maybe you were even thinking it yourself. Have you ever had someone seeking a break and based on their past behavior thought to yourself they do not deserve this break?


This idea of not deserving something has struck me lately. I have heard teachers get frustrated with students and not want to allow them to retake a test, redo an assignment, or turn in an assignment in late because the student does not deserve it. Really? I have to take pause and think about my life. Did I earn or deserve to be born in a country that is one of the wealthiest countries to date and provides me with free education? Did I earn or deserve to be born into a two parent home who loved me and valued education? Did I earn or deserve a father who stuck with the family and continued to provide for us even after our mother died and things got tough? Did I earn or deserve the ability to see, hear, smell, talk, or walk let alone be able to play multiple sports? Did I earn or deserve the ability to read or comprehend making learning easier for me than some? I could continue with this list, but I think you get where I am going. There are many things that we possess or can do not because of something that we have earned or deserved it. This unmerited favor is often referred to as grace. Another way of stating it is getting something that we don’t deserve.


In teaching and educational leadership, it is extremely important to build relationships. I have heard it said that you have to reach people’s hearts before you can reach their mind. One of the quickest ways to a person’s heart is by showing them grace. Students and adults will do things for someone they like that they would not normally do for others.


We all have done something that deserved some discipline but were shown grace. We did not think less of that person. Often we grew fonder of the individual. We felt a connection and were willing to put forth a little extra effort for them next time.


Giving someone grace does not mean that they never receive consequences. As administrators and teachers, students need consequences, but sometimes they need a break as well. That break can go a long way for a student or teacher. We may never see or know what that break did for an individual, but by giving them breaks, they see you as someone who likes them and is on their side. That is what everyone desires.


Does giving someone grace always work? No. It may backfire. You may find someone trying to take advantage of it. However, when you review the risk versus reward potential, I believe you will find that the potential rewards out-weigh the potential risks. As a good friend of mine always says, I would rather err on the side of grace.